Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Just got back from the boyfriend’s house. The bitch has the series 3 of 24 on DVD. 24 Is so freaking hot. Not that I particularly like Kieffer 'stick-up-his-ass' Sutherland, but that Chase guy is kinda floating my boat.

I heart Chase.

On Friday, SCAA, her mother and I are going to buy all kinds of shit for the drinking pool party on Saturday night. By shit, I naturally mean booze food. Her dad’s going to cook some kind of lavish meal, so I couldn't be happier: food and alcohol. Is this what heaven must feel like?

I don’t really know exactly who’s coming the party, but I believe a couple of friends SCAA and her parents will be joining. I also believe three of them are gay older men, so it’ll be a hoot ! No hooking up with any of them though. Two of them are a couple and one of ‘m is an almost senior queer. Well…not that having a relationship means anything in the gay society, but I believe they are of the good kind. And even so, they are all 30+, which is kind of my limit.

And people say I have no boundaries.

Fun fact: Mr. Nine Inch's 'mother' will be joining the party too. In short, Mr. Nine Inch was my thirty year old boss and my bedfellow at a certain time. Things did not end well. Click on Mr. Nine Inch for the complete blow by blow (pun intended).

But I digress, when I say ‘mother’ though, I mean his surrogate mother, who is this 45 year old lady SCAA’s parents play bridge with. I had already fucked it up with her before.

One night, SCAA and I went by the bridge home to visit her parents and co. to drink for free enjoy their company. Of course, like any conversation when tipsy, the subject was about sex and hot men. Come to think of it, the conversations I have when sober are also always about sex and hot men...or sex with hot men...or hot men having sex with each other...


Anyhoo, a queer guy was talking about an old fuck buddy friend of his and his name happened to be the same as Mr. Nine Inche’s name. Since the conversation was raunchy as hell as it was, I thought it was a great opportunity to change the subject and tell my story about Mr. Nine Inch, so I said:

"Hey, I also had a (insert Mr. Nine Inch’s name) sucking my dick."

To which this woman replied:

"I know, he’s my son."


Yes, it was an awkward moment for all of us (and by all of us I mean me). But really, I was just thanking God on my bare ass for her swift and might I add very original reply. Had she waited just a split second longer, I’d have said:

"Sounds better than it actually was though. You would expect a guy to know how to suck cock after thirty fucking years."

I’m the kind of person that should stop talking when under the influence. Mental note to self: never ever again drink around mothers of people I’ve slept with.

With that being said, NK, hot guy I know and occasionally see, is probably coming to join the getting wasted too. He loves men almost as much as I do (no one loves men as much as I do) and he has the body of a Greek god and a face to match. I’m planning to get him fully loaded and make him jump into the pool fully nekkid.

Dear Lord I will finally get to see if that huge bulge in his underwear is for real. And no, I have not had the pleasure of sleeping with him. I happen to know about The Bulge because he wears tight pants and because I went to see a play of his fine ass in which he was prancing around in his undies.

Can you say ‘Calvin Klein ad’?

But as it may, I have my own Greek god, who I love (to look at). The boyfriend shouldn’t have to worry at all. Luckily, I am also one of the bad good kind. So, let’s just say NK’s going to be the replacement piece of ass for the evening. I’ll be sure to take pictures. You know, for jacking off on keeping the memories.

Happy humping queer heads!


Kim said...

Conversations about sex and hot men or sex with hot men are always the best. I prefer the latter.

Thanks for the comment on my blog. Mr. Brightside and Change Your Mind are definately my favorite on the Hot Fuss album.

Kirsti said...

I like your suggestion of shutting up after I have been drinking. After you master the art could you please teach me?

Billy the Bootlegger said...

Kim - I prefer the latter too...sex with hot men should be mandatory on a daily, correction: hourly basis.

Kirsti - It is my belief that it is impossible to master. Even though I am in complete control when intoxicated, my mouth seems to live its own raunchy life.

LC said...

can you say 'elegantly wasted'?

still do not master that.
i always start bringing up sexual subjects when in a crowd that is not very much into bringing up sexual subjects.

the result is a very awkward and uncomfortable situation.
next thing you know, i'm in front of my pc continuing bringing up sexual subjects but only directly to your ass ofcourse; where i know they'll be appreciated.

holla bitch.. love yo ass

Billy the Bootlegger said...

LC - God, you know I love it when you talk nasty to me. If you were a boy and I were single, we'd be banging each others brains out.