Thursday, July 14, 2005

The boyfriend and I have been experiencing some difficulties lately. He seems to think that I have changed in the past couple of weeks and that I have somehow become a mother fucking bastard who doesn’t call or sms and appears to have disappeared from the earth’s surface a bit distant and cold. Basically he’s asking:

“Where’s the love?”

Well, I can assure all of you that the love is still there. I have just been having a crazy couple of weeks due to my jack-off sessions midterms. The midterms I HAVE to pass due to the fact that I’m going with the boyfriend’s ass to Ibiza: therefore my ass can’t retake the midterms.

Aaah, the pressure !

In essence: it’s really his fault, isn’t it?

Then the boyfriend asked:

“Well, if you’re so busy lately, why are you still able to update your blawg and place funny comments on other people’s blawgs?”

Simple: when I’m jacking off studying I don’t really feel like entertaining anybody. Not even the bitch who threw wine in my face SCAA. I just want to be able to study a bit and then entertain myself with a little surfing on the net and a lil’ bit of blawgupdating and posting funny crap on the net. After that, my mind is clear and I can go back to studying.

And also, I would not want to irritate him and make ‘m feel like shit, just because I’m not in a good mood because of all the jacking off studying and let’s not forget THE PRESSURE which is ALL HIS FAULT.

I’d rather leave his ass alone and call him when I’m feeling good and I’m able to have a positive conversation: saving us a lot of stress and irritations.

See, I thought I was making some kind of sense when I told him this.

The boyfriend was also terrified as hell worried about the upcoming pool party on Saturday night.

I must admit that NK and I sort of have a past and that I can imagine the boyfriend’s jealousy. The boyfriend feels that he cannot compete with NK and that my interests in him are basically finding out what he looks like horizontally not of the good kind.

I feel that he needs to fully trust me, because it is my opinion that a relationship cannot survive without trust. And even though I find NK very fucking hot attractive, it is not enough to make me cheat. And not even the alcohol can change that.

If NK would strip himself naked and sit on his knees before me while looking hungrily at my crotch, you have to have faith that I will do the right thing. Which is letting him blow my brains out blowing him off (no pun intended) by telling him I don’t cheat.

And even so, NK would never do that anyway, because I don’t really think he’s that much interested in me. Which is a bummer fine.

The point is that I have never ever done anything to break the trust between the boyfriend and I. And it makes me wonder why he’s so untrusting of me.

Is it because he feels insecure about himself? Is it because he interprets the things I write on my blog in a different way than they were meant to? Or maybe because he thinks that someone else besides him, will also see what a great guy I am?

Maybe all of the above…

I must admit that I may have nurtured a part of this mistrust by expressing some of my opinions.

For example: if he cheated on me (and I’m talking non-sexual cheating here) I would not break his legs up with him. It’s not worth breaking up a relationship of eight months for something like this. And it is my opinion that anyone can make a mistake: you might get drunk and horny and slip up. The penis brain works in mysterious ways. Who knows what you are and aren’t capable of thinking of at that moment.

I’m not using it as an excuse though. I mean, I do get the fact that you put yourself in a situation like that. All I’m saying is people make mistakes…we’re all only human.

Of course he did not agree in the slightest bit, which caused questions like:

“So you expect to maybe cheat on me with NK when you’re drunk and horny?”


I’m not saying I’d actually do it, I’m saying it could happen. I’m just not excluding anything, which in my opinion makes me more alert when a situation like this presents itself.

Since our minds work in complete opposite ways, we just don’t ‘get’ each other most some of the time. And this case is no different.

But it’s fine really: this way we can learn all kinds of crap from each other, which hopefully makes us better people.

I just wish he’d learn…how to trust me.


Alterego said...

So, do you suppose if you change NK for RK that he wouldn't mind then?

Kirsti said...

Trust is a good thing. But maybe you should like. You know. CALL the boyfriend while at the party all "Hello. I am not cheating."
Because that would not make him suspicious at all. That is normal to do. I swear.

Kirsti said...

Ok so I have figured it out.. at this second, alterego, me and the grand master of hot gay men are all in this blog AT THE SAME TIME. Being as y'all are leaving comments at the SAME SECOND as I am. Race y'all to my blog!

Billy the Bootlegger said...

I will call him and tell him I'm currently not sucking or being sucked.

And amazing isn't it? Threesome !

Alterego said...

Ehm.. to be honest, if my bf would call me from a party, saying "No really, I'm not cheating!", I wouldn't be so sure.

Kirsti, your log is next on my readinglist. ;-)

Billy the Bootlegger said...

Alterego - I think he would...but it's all just fun and games. THREESOME !

Billy the Bootlegger said...

You know what, I'll just set up a mailing list, k?

thesof said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.