Thursday, May 12, 2005

boobies ya'll

LiLo (Lindsay Lohan) hon’, for Christ’s sake eat something. Have a cookie, go nuts (better yet, have some nuts). Girl, you look like an addicted cocaine whore. And that is not a compliment btw. And your new best friend Nicole “Paris’ reject” Richie should join you. Damn women, what ya’ll doing to yourselves. I get the whole Nicole thing, girl you ugly as hell, and I know you believe “the skinnier I am, the more beautiful I’ll be”, but you dead wrong. You getting more and more ugly as time goes by and ain’t nothing you gon’ do about it. Maybe you should’ve gotten plastic surgery from a certified surgeon, that usually helps. Or stop washing your face with ugly soap every morning. And I’m not being mean, I giving you constructive criticism.

Anyhoo, back to Lilo. Bitch, you could’ve made me want to be straight, but now, I just want to throw food at you, hoping it’ll slide down your throat when you open your mouth. But then again, I’m taking you for a bulimi, so stop throwing the fuck up. And woman, where did your boobs go? They were huge, and by huge I mean...well, HUGE ! They were hot and big and soft and round and totally fake, but still HOT. Guess you had to have your implants removed, cuz they didn't fit your new skanky ass cocaine body shape no more. As if people wouldn't noticed. Wilmer told a friend of a friend of a brother of a friend of your manager you had them done, and he told me. So there. And you shouldn't have to be ashamed of it anyway. They were nice boobs, and I should know, because I've seen like....three pairs of boobs in my life.

And get a decent hair cut and colour. Did you have your coke buddies cut it for you? Or one of your I-didn't-have-my-breasts-inlarged-either Anonymous buddies? And have you actually bleached your hair at home? You do know that it is not advised to re-enact any of Eminem’s videos. Only Devon Sawa can pull that one off, and he was acting, cunt.

Talking about acting (and cunts), Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives pi.) was the no. 1 in the Maxim Hot 100 list. And it was well deserved, because she is just near perfection. I’d do her, and that is saying something. Well, actually I’d do her and Jesse Metcalfe because damn, that boy is on fire. If he were here right now, I would just like to... *imagining stuff*.

That was nice...

I'm sleepy now

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