Saturday, August 06, 2005

SCAA and her titties are in Mallorca. I just phoned her because it’s her nineteenth birthday today. God, they grow up so fast don’t they? It seems like yesterday when she was prancing around in her skanky outfits trying to lure men into her cave bed.

The good ol’ days.

Now she’s all grown up with a driver’s license ‘n all that. She dresses like a lady and she uses words such as “often” and “hence”. Okay, the last part was a lie, but it was only to illustrate how fast things are changing.

Come to think of it, she isn’t really all that much of a “lady”. Not on vacation anyway…

Phone conversation transcript (the good parts):

SCAA: “Skank!”

Me: “Ho!”

SCAA: “Why didn’t you call me? It’s my birthday!”

Me: I know bitch, I’m calling you know, aren’t I? And it’s only half past twelve. Bitch, your birthday just started.

SCAA: “True. I’m gon’ get it oooooon!”

Me: “I’m sure you will.”

SCAA: “I can’t believe this place [Mallorca]. It is so fucking awesome! We went to the German part of the island to go clubbing. And at first I was all: ‘Germans suck. They’re retards.’ But they’re actually really nice! Well, the ones that aren’t nazi’s are, but you don’t see that much of them around here. Thank God! [See, SCAA is 100 percent Dutch and a white ass. But somehow she turned out all Moroccan-like with the big dark brown curly hair and the natural tan. I’m pretty sure their previous milkman came from that area. But who gives an ass.] Anyway, we went clubbing there and we paid twenty euros entrance fee for some club. That might sound like a lot, but we drank for free the entire night! I was so wasted, you can’t even imagine.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I’ve dragged you out of a club completely smashed on several occasions.”

SCAA: “Be nice to me! It’s my birthday.”

Me: “How ‘bout no? And you only get to use that argument once a year. Guess what, you just cashed in.”

SCAA: “Thankfully, my birthday only comes ones a year. So I’ll only need to use it once. Oh! And our apartment has a great view! Not over the ocean though…or the beach [redundant]…or trees…really we can only see the other building of the hotel, but that is not the point. See, this morning, this guy walked onto his balcony, right across ours with nothing but a towel on. He was so fucking gorgeous. I’m still dripping cunt juice! Anyhoo, suddenly he lets his towel slide off and walks over to the banister with his dick between the vertical bars of the banister and just starts taking a leak!”

Me: “Gross.”

SCAA: “I know it should’ve been gross, but his dick was just so beautiful! I was completely dickmatized! It’s head was all pink and […]”

Me (interrupting): “I know I'm always saying there is no such thing as too much information. But when you start describing some guy’s dick that’s leaking pee…that's a wee bit too much. Plus, I don’t want to get all horny and shit.”

SCAA: “Anyway, it was some damn fine man meat and next time, besides waving and jumping up and down to make my boobs bounce, I’m going naked too! And before I’m going home, I’m going to let him fuck my brains out and let him shoot his wad all over my beautiful breasts.”

Me: “In your mouth you mean...And you’re going to ‘let’ him fuck your brains out?”

SCAA: “Yeah, I’d be doing him a favour.”

Me: “True. Why not make a buck or two out of it?”

SCAA: “I ain’t no whore! I’ll let him buy me something pretty.”

Me: “Good one.”

SCAA: “And so far I’ve seen four dicks already! I’ve only been here for two days! So, I’ve seen the dick of the peeing guy and the dick of another guy that came out of the shower naked and I’ve seen the dicks of the two German guys we went out with yesterday night. One of them had a freaking huge cock! If all Germans are as hot and endowed as him, they can all fuck me any time.”

Me: “Geez, I think I have never heard the word ‘dick’ and ‘cock’ that many times in one conversation (besides when I'm having sex, although that hardly constitutes as a real conversation. It's mostly me saying dirty stuff and giving very specific direction. But I digress.).”

SCAA: “Yes, you have. You’re an even bigger slut than I am. You can’t stop talking about sex, cocks or hot guys if your life depended on it! And you had three guys in three weeks. I’ve only slept with two in my entire life!”

Me: “True, but hearing so much profanity coming from your mouth over the phone when I’m sober still amazes me.”

SCAA: “So what’s up with you? Still bored?”

Me: “I’m hanging up now. You’re in Spain. Costs money. Reminder: I don’t have it.”

SCAA: “Your parents pay your phone bill.”

Me: “That’s not the point. But fine, my parents don’t have money.”

SCAA: “True.”

Me: “Blow me.”

SCAA: “No, you’re gay. Your dick has been in #$%es so it's dirty.”

Me: “You're such a cunt. I’m hanging up now. Stay safe, use a condom (extra strong when doing it the gay way) and don’t forget: sucking dick without a condom is unsafe sex."

SCAA: “You’re the last person I should be taking sex-ed from.”

Me: “True. Now go get knocked up.”

SCAA: “I am so getting a German baby. Let’s hope it’s a boy, so when it’s old enough I can […]

Me: "I swear to fucking God if you finish that that sentence [...]

SCAA: "You will still love me and my beautiful titties."

Me: "Sigh..."

Damn, she is so nasty. She is no lady. She's just a fag in a woman's body, an easy one. Although that's a bit of redundant. God I hope she gets an STD. That’ll show her.

LISTENING TO: ZOMBIES – TIME OF THE SEASON

6 comments:

Digitalicat said...

Very provacative URL. I just changed mine, too. Be a pal and update my link? http://tossedmysalad.blogspot.com

Billy the Bootlegger said...

Will do!

CanaGal said...

sounds like you have a great friend!

Billy the Bootlegger said...

Oh I sure do! She makes me look good.

Kirsti said...

Hey, she can hang out with us. Now come to my blog and solve the nut-slap problem

Billy the Bootlegger said...

Ewww, women being taken doggy style is not something I would want to read about. Especially because I have a very good imagination.

Yuck. It is despicable.