The policeman is really starting to get on my f'ing nerves. He's a prototype of a rejection junkie. No matter how many times I’ve blown him off or whatever insult I throw at him, he just keeps on crawling back on his bare knees.

And we let people like him carry guns?

I must have made quite the impact you’d think. And the fact is, I don’t have a clue why this guy just can’t seem get me off of his mind. He even had a boyfriend after me and during that so-called “relationship” (I use that word loosely) he still tried to get me into bed. Usually I’d feel bad for the boyfriend, now I just think your boyfriend either has no taste or is worse than you. But what can you expect from a faggy ugly Pop Idol reject.

And the policeman is so confused about what he wants. One day he keeps complimenting me on my looks and my personality (can I have a barf bag?) and how I was the best sex he ever had (so true) and the next day he’s saying I’m the meanest and most insensitive person in the world and that I should tell him whether or not I’m interested, so he can ‘move on’ and that people will some day find out what I’m really like.

NEWS FLASH, BITCH

Everybody already knows what I’m like: to people that piss me off, like you, I’m not a nice person and everyone already knows I’m thát good in bed (that came out so wrong).

‘Moving on’? We hooked up a couple of times almost a year ago and you still haven’t found anything better to do than stalk my ass.

You know what they say: everyone gets what they deserve.

In our case, you will never deserve me. And I? I deserve so much better…