Saturday, June 25, 2005

that'll happen

You know what would be really cool? Having a life to write about in my blog. Where did it go?

It has come to my attention that my life has become a lot less exciting than it used to be. I used to party a lot, go clubbing, hang out with friends and meet up with strangers to go to some party.

And now I’m in the relationship. What an awful, awful word.

A lot of time has to be invested in the relationship and it sucks. The relationship doesn’t suck, but the fact that it just takes up a lot of time that could’ve been spend otherwise.

I started dating the boyfriend last year in November. We knew each other before, but on November 4th we had our first actual date. We started seeing each other on a regular basis and all of sudden the relationship appeared.

I’m not that guy that ditches his friends when he’s in the relationship, or so I thought. The fact is that the transition goes very smoothly. More and more time is invested in the boyfriend and less time in the friends. And suddenly you don’t get invited to parties anymore, because you won’t show anyway. Okay, the people that didn’t invite me weren’t my real“friends” anyway, more like acquaintances, but it still says something.

The best friends I still see on a regular basis, but a lot less than I used to. I must say that I really miss it. We still hang out and go to movies and all that, but it is different now. It feels different. All of a sudden we’re all grown up and being silly and weird sometimes feels wrong. The clubbing has diminished to once a month (max) and that also feels different.

I guess there are a lot of factors involved that caused the changes. I finished high school last year. That is always a major bust for a lot of your “friendships”. The best friends are still there, but all the others kind of fade away. It’s probably only natural, but I find it really sad sometimes.

Of course we were, and still are, all in a phase in which we we’re becoming adults. Most of us were only eighteen years old (higher scientific education is six years of high school) when we finished high school. Almost a year has passed since then, but it feels like that was decades ago.

Another factor causing all the changes was that I still felt kind of uncomfortable in my skin. And uncomfortable with the person that I was. I still hadn’t had a lot of experience with the boys and I was curious. A lot of my friends had been in relationships since they we’re like fourteen. They had a chance to explore what it was like and to grow from it by learning new things. I, as a gay man, didn’t have that opportunity. Of course there were the occasional making out sessions with the girls, but it is still not the same and all you can learn from that is how to be an excellent kisser. And that I learned hehe. Certainly I did have the opportunity to explore relationships, but it would be a lot harder for me and I decided to just wait.

In the summer vacation after finishing high school I really started to explore the wonderful world of men. And I must say that most of it was excellent *diry grin*. I had some good experiences and some bad ones, but I’ve learned a lot from all of them and it certainly has made me feel more comfortable being in this body and being who I am. Not to mention that it is damn good for your ego to know that your ass is on high demand on the market (no pun intended).

Another factor for not clubbing and going to see movies as much as I used to, it the fact that I still don’t have a f’ing job. I’m not really looking for one yet, but I will...affter mid-terms, which is four weeks from now. Yes, when you’re broke it seems that your social life is too.

To make a point: I don’t want to be that guy that ditches the friends for the boyfriend. And I’m not going to be that guy anymore. So I’m making a list of things to do:

1. pass mid-terms
2. figure out which people I call the friends
3. tell the friends I miss them and love them
4. ask the friends to help me find a job
5. find a kick-ass high-paying job
6. work
7. get paid
8. get paid some more
9. ask the parents for more money
10. spend money on clothes
11. more clothes
12. shoes
13. a new school bag
14. clubbing
15. movies
16. and a lot of unhealthy food
17. work some more
18. get paid some more
19. get my ass on a plane to Ibiza
20. get their alive
21. and get back alive withouth terminal brain and hearing damage

Ambitious no?


Kirsti said...

Sounds like a good plan. So you're ditching me and England for THE RELATIONSHIP, huh? My best friend got in a relationship and DITCHED us big-time. And when we FINALLY see her she's all "oh you must not leave I never get to see you". Well WHO'S FAULT IS THAT? Thank you, it is so good to vent.

Billy the Bootlegger said...

In conclusion, no one should ever get married, burried or pussy-whipped.