Thursday, June 16, 2005

questions galore

Oh fuck, the fat man messaged me again. Apparently everyone I hate and offend in my blog, actually reads it. Isn’t that fun?

Anyhoo, it raised some serious questions:

1. When did you learn how to read ? I am absolutely baffled ! Have you maybe secretly been following my advice when you received my brilliant thoughts telekinetically ?

2. Do you know that ‘telekinetically’ is actually a word ?

3. You are not seriously thinking that I’m going to educate you by explaining this long seven syllable word right ? Education is expensive sweetie, pay up.

4. Where is my more-than-two-syllables word ? You said you’d try and incorporate words longer than “hungry”, “huh”, “what” and…”hungry” in your very limited vocabulary. Sorry, he uses “hungry” a lot, it has to be mentioned twice.

5. Oh my god, did you finally finish fifth grade ? Your parents must have been so proud ! And it only took you like...a decade. There must be some sort of award for that, or at least a record.

6. And by the way, have you not learned anything in fifth grade ? Cursing and swearing at me, none of which I will repeat here because I am a good boy *muhahaha*, is not ‘communication’ it’s a ‘monologue’. Learn to communicate, some people find it helpful…you know in life….in general.

7. Are you eating while messaging me !? There are so many typos that I have to wonder. Oh, I’m sorry…fifth grade, what was I thinking…*sigh*

8. Have you actually read all the posts after the “fat man walking” post, or did you just see something ‘fat’ and automatically figured it had to be you ? Yes, this I can understand, when I see the words ‘hot, hung and gorgeous’ (separately or together) I always assume it’s about me *right…*

9. Why didn’t you leave a comment? I have so few, and I love being insulted ! All I have is Kirsti, which is very nice, but just not enough. It appears that miss Kirsti has not been working her ass off promoting my fantastic blog. Hint, hint (and just a 'link' will not do the trick. I need to see your ass work !).

10. Am I just freak magnet ? What did I do in a past life that was so bad that I have to suffer like this ? Enough already ! I have more than made up for whatever I did. Unless I was Hitler in a past life…or Vanilla Ice or something. Oh wait, is he alive still ? He was just wrong !

11. Should I maybe turn down this charming, loveable, outgoing, sweet, smiley image I have been portraying all my life ? Is it just inevitable to love me ? Yeah, in a next life maybe. I think you’re just a rejection-junkie, and if you are…damn this post is giving you a “hard” time. I feel so cheap. But if I actually got paid for this…it’d be a killer job. “For all your rejection needs, call 0800-stickittomegood, $7,50 a minute, ready to go 24/7. ” Genius, ain't it ?

12. Did all the attention go to my head a lil’ bit?

13. Do we still love me long time in spite of that ?

Well, the voices in my head do ! And isn’t that enough ? Was that another question ? And was thát another question ? I’m on fire ! I have a knack for asking questions . Ah, another talent that should be exploited. People always say I’m so versatile . Or do they mean that in a dirty way? Another question !?

I’ll stop now


Kirsti said...

what?! Excuse?! I have a LINK to you. And also I have a post ONLY devoted to you! PUH-LEEZE!

Kirsti said...


Billy the Bootlegger said...

I had a momentary lapse of insanity...I`m not culpable. Will correct asap.

Billy the Bootlegger said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.