Thursday, June 16, 2005

good times

Being inspired by Kirstie, I decided to do a list thing myself. Yes, it's partly stolen, because it’s an e-mail I found dating from…2000 or something. Damn, that was a long time ago. Ah, good times. And thank you for reminding me I have no creativity of my own...damn good at plagiarising though. Anyway I name this list

“All things that a woman should know when living together with a straight man, in a numbered order, with number 1 being the most important and number 2 a lil’ bit less and so on and so on.” (Catchy is it not?)

Note: they are all numbered 1 for a reason. Go figure !

Here it goes:

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday - SPORTS. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it! Hints and men combined do not work.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost any question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in any argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. Blue is blue, nothing more nothing less.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. Live with it.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!!

1. Don't' ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such subjects as baseball, the shotgun formation or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. You have too many purses,

1. You have too many of everything, you don’t need more stuff.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men don't mind that. It's like camping...really…

Straight men crack me up ! Holla Balla!

1 comment:

Kirsti said...

I do TOO need more shoes. And when you mention it, I need a new purse too. Shut up.